For Actors

Sometime back in my days of high school techie-dom I came across "The Techie Bible," a fun, quirky parodied version of the Holy Bible; a guide, so-to-speak, to being a techie in the theater. I fondly remember the long nights of dress runs and previews reading "The Techie Bible" over the coms in between standbys.
Tonight, as I sat watching a play-by-play of the SAG Awards in one Firefox tab and Facebook chatting with a fellow actor in another, I was reminded of this "Techie Bible's" parody. A comment made about the SAG Awards opening speech ("Hi I'm so-and-so, and I'm an actor") sparked a melee of quips about AA, acting being more addictive than alcohol, and my own parody of the "Twelve Steps". 
Yes, every now and again we as actors must step back, breathe, and laugh a little about how absolutely insane (in the true, Einsteinian definition of the term) career path we have chosen!

"These are the original Twelve Steps as published by Alcoholics (sub: Actors) Anonymous:

We... Admitted we were powerless over alcohol (sub: ACTING)—that our lives had become unmanageable (because we constantly uproot our daily lives to audition, callback, interview, etc).
Came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity (perhaps a Casting Director that gives us our first big break!).
Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God (sub: Director) as we understood Him (sub: or Her bc in our bus we are indeed PC).
Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves (every single goddamn time we are turned down or just not called....WHY GOOD GOD/DIRECTOR DO I BOTHER???!!!???).
Admitted to God (again sub: Director), to ourselves, and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs (in what areas we outright suck, what outfits we should never audition in again, etc, etc, etc).
Were entirely ready to have God (DO NOT sub "Director" but rather "Ken Arnold" and other said workshop instructors) remove all these defects of character.
Humbly asked Him (sub: Ken Arnold) to remove our shortcomings.
Made a list of all persons we had harmed (financially, because let's face it traveling for all those auditions it straining on that fuel budget), and became willing to make amends to them all ("I hereby promise to "not forget you" and/or pay you back in full when I'm rich and famous").
Continued to take personal inventory ("Who the hell ever told me I could actually do this, cus clearly they were wrong!") and when we were wrong promptly admitted it ("Maybe I should become a nurse or a lawyer or a plumber").
Sought through prayer and meditation (OOOOHHHHMMM) to improve our conscious contact with God (sub: Casting/Director, "Please consider my headshot and resume AGAIN even though you saw it for the last call you put out not a week ago and didn't pick me then") as we understood Him, praying only for knowledge of His will for us and the power to carry that out ("PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE JUST CAST ME ALREADY even if only as background....I'll stand there and look pretty and not say a word or stand out, I promise!").
Having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these steps, we tried to carry this message to alcoholics (actors), and to practice these principles in all our affairs (Yeah, who are we kidding, we don't actually know what we're talking about!)."